Saturday, May 01, 2010

Dotty Says, Australia Here I Come

You know what I would love right now.....
By Dorothy DeMarco

Bobby says I am doing a good job on this so called blog. JOB? If I am doing so great, where is my check?

He also says, I am getting some fans and if I keep up the good work I'll be famous. Forget famous, where is the check?

I really don't know if Bobby is making this stuff up or not. He claims that I am getting emails and comments from all over the world. I thought mail was private. What the hell is he doing reading my mail?

I did like this comment,
I've actually been thinking of asking Bobby to do a swap: I'll send him my Mum, who doesn't like eggs or chips, and he can send you over to Australia. I promise to give you poached eggs on toast every morning and I make a great Spanish omelette. I have my own chooks, so my eggs are specially good.
Trade Mums'. Mum, that is a cute word. As far as eggs go, as long as you don't put any prune juice in them I'm ready to eat. I'm hungry.

You better watch out what you wish for. When you get your Mum back there is no telling what she might be like after a few weeks with Bobby. He'll probably teach her the prune juice song, or worse the Poop-E song.

On thing I know for sure, he will definitely take her to the Banana Boat or Vic and Angelo's and use her to pick up women. I have to admit women love Bobby. What the hell do they see in him? Bobby thinks eggs are diamonds and potato chips are gold. Meanwhile, Bobby never saw a pizza he didn't like. Does that make any sense?

As for me -- Australia here I come. Poached eggs, fried eggs, hard boiled eggs, deviled eggs, count me in. Do they have bacon in Australia? I am not talking about turkey bacon. Real bacon.

I don't know what a chook is but shoot em in. Do you have any Kangaroo's in your back yard? If so, I'll bring Bobby with me. He needs a good punch in the nose.

Do they have Outback Steakhouse in Australia?

Yesterday I read this great article in the newspaper about how nutrient-rich eggs are really good for you. The article went on to say that cholesterol in eggs doesn't increase the risk of heart attack, stroke, or impotence in most people. I can't really say much about impotence, but I can say this -- DUH. I am almost 94 years old and if eggs didn't give me a heart attack or a stroke by now I think we can stop worrying.

The article went on to say that for people over 60 that get low on vitamin B-12, eggs are an excellent source of B-12. I thought this would get Bobby's attention. Instead, he had his usual smart ass answer, Mom you get a B-12 shot every month. I do?

Don't worry, I pointed the newspaper article out to Bobby and while he was reading I heard him go HMM. The article was written by Dr OZ. When Bobby goes hmm, and when Dr Oz says eggs are good for you I can tell you this -- Let there be EGGS. I bet I get an egg soon.

Can one of my so called fans find me an article about how bacon is good for you?

Evidently, some readers of this so called blog suggested that Bobby feed me Pringles instead of the good old greasy potato chip. Bobby already tried that crap on me a few years ago. This you won't believe. He would count out six Pringles and give them to me. Six.

Finally I told him, I might be old, and my brain might not be working like it use to but I want chips -- real potato chips. Those Pringles taste like little pieces of cardboard that are baked and sprinkled with a quarter of a pinch of salt. The only way I am eating those Pringles is if they are hidden in a six egg omelet.

I really don't understand what is wrong with people in this day and age. If you want a potato chip eat a potato chip, not a piece of cardboard disguised as a potato chip. I bet more people die from the stress of worrying about what to eat, then die from eating potato chips.

I'm hungry and I don't give a damn if I just ate.

Keep those emails and comments coming. Its working. I had more eggs and more potato chips since I started this so called job, on this so called blog, then I had since before Bobby got here to Delray Beach to live.

You know what I would love right now. One of those little bags of potato chips like you get at the convenience store -- and a plane ticket to Australia.

Here is my new email address:

Dotty at AlzheimersReadingRoom dot com

Don't tell Bobby.

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Dorothy DeMarco is a contributing writer and frequently portrayed character on the Alzheimer's Reading Room. To read Dorothy's blog go here. Dotty resides in Delray Beach, FL.

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