Dotty Offers Some Helpful Household Tips

Bobby says if I can get some good comments he'll let me become a contributer to the blog. What the hell is a blog?.....

By Dorothy DeMarco
Alzheimer's Reading Room

This is my fist post on this website. I am not really sure what a website is, but it looks nice on a computer. This whole internet thing is crazy if you ask me.

My name is Dorothy DeMarco. My son Bobby wants me to tell you how old I am. Kiss my ass Bobby. I'm a healthy old broad and if Bobby tells you anything different he doesn't know what he is talking about.

Today I was reading the Florida Sun Sentinel newspaper as I patiently waited for Bobby to give me something to eat. I guess its my lucky day, I'm getting an egg. Bobby says you can't eat eggs every day because they will cause you to have high cholesterol and its bad for your heart. What does he know? If I had a dollar for every egg I ate during my lifetime I'd be richer than Charlie Chaplin.

So anyway, I was reading this article and it tickled me pink. Bobby said, I should write an article about the article. So here we go.

Did you know you can polish your shoes with a banana peel? Sounds like a good idea to me. Bobby tells me I have to eat a quarter of a banana every day. Something about cramps and potassium. The last time I had a leg cramp Bobby was a long haired hippy in college.

Did you know you can use Alka-Seltzer to remove burned food from cookware? I didn't know that one. I wish I learned that one about 80 years ago. Bobby makes his usual astute comment when I say this -- maybe you can make a commercial with Alka-Seltzer and get their stock price up? I tell Bobby I am too old to buy stocks. He reminds me I could have bought a hundred shares of Microsoft when I was 66 years old, and had a million bucks when I retired from work at age 80.

Did you know you can remove perspiration stains from white fabric by dissolving two aspirins in a half cup of warm water and applying it to the fabric for a couple of hours before washing. This one would work really well for people living in south Florida. Down here you can perspire more than a "bee shittin' honey".

Bobby showed me the picture of the woman that wrote the article -- Aisha Sultan. She is cute, I told him he should ask her for date.

Ok, I gotta go get some Alka-Seltzer for Bobby. It also says in the article that you can use Alka-Seltzer to clean the toilet. I don't mind saying Bobby is pretty smart. He is good at all kinds of things. However, as far as house cleaning goes he leaves a lot to be desired. He can use all the tips he can get.

Bobby says if I can get some good comments he'll let me become a contributer to the blog. What the hell is a blog?

To read a whole bunch of helpful household tips -- go here.

Dorothy DeMarco is a contributing writer and frequently portrayed character on the Alzheimer's Reading Room. Dotty resides in Delray Beach, FL.